Did everything just taste purple?

This morning I woke up and it was raining. I love the sound of rain. This made me not want to get out of bed. But I did b/c I had told my friend Kamilah that i would go w/ her and some of her friends to see The Passion of the Christ. As I stated yesterday, I had been wanting and trying to see it all weekend. And i finally did. Let me just say it was the most straight forward and eye-opening film I have ever seen. I had heard many things about it---from many believers about how fantastic it was and how everything was so accurate. So, me being in the skeptic place that i was in going into the movie, I was just a little bit unsure about what I would think about it.

All I can really say after watching the movie is wow. It reminded me of how loving God really is and how all of my hang-ups about this faith that I once had are ridiculous. I realized that no matter what I've gone through in these past two years and what I think God could have changed in ways that circumstances in my life may have been different are very small compared to what He did. He allowed His Son to suffer on my behalf---not just suffer but to be beaten and shamed beyond compare. I may have suffered emotionally in my life, but Jesus was sacrificed in a way that was truly inhumane. I should have been the one to die b/c of what I have done b/c I am so unworthy to even speak His name, yet i sat for so long in my own pity blaming him for the hurt I was feeling. I couldn't even let myself trust him b/c I was not willing to look to Him for help or comfort. Yet, even though Jesus was perfect, even as a human, He took on my sin and remained devoted to the Father. The Father sent Jesus here to die. Jesus knew all His life that was His purpose. Did He ever give up and say 'this is too much for me'? No. yes, He was perfect even as a human, but He was still human. He did ask God if there was any way for this not to happen, but He knew there wasn't so He went through w/ it. I am nothing. But He loves me anyway. What can I possibly do for someone who is so much? I must try to live this life He has given me to show those who don't know Him personally and are unsure about it all how much He loves them too. I don't want to say that this movie changed my life. Jesus did that. It was nearly 9 years ago that He came into my heart. For a while I served Him faithfully, then I became more willing to serve myself. I am a very selfish person. I want this life to reflect who He is, not my humanity. It's not too late, no matter how far one has strayed to go back to Him. he loves all of us and is willing to forgive us. We must be willing to allow Him to. There is nothing that is too terrible, nor too harsh that could ever keep His loving hand from each of us. I was very arrogant to think there was. Even though in my heart i knew the truth---I was just unwilling to admit it. Pride keeps us from many things that could actually help us. That's how it is in my life, anyway. I am very thankful that I have been given another chance to seek Him. A friend of mine told me that one can find their way back if they want to. I agree w/ this, but I also know that it is nothing that I could have done to put myself back in that position. I had to be drawn in. I was at a place at one point where I wasn't sure if He would ever draw me back. I felt so cold and heartbroken. But now I know that He never gave up on me. He loves me. I am happy to be a part of His plan again. God is absolutely incredible!