Did everything just taste purple?

Yeah, I wish this was a story about how I had strawberry ice cream with Linkin Park and I could say how meeting Chester and Mike was completely amazing. But unfortunately, no. I was just sitting here having strawberry ice cream for dinner and thinking about a million and a half things that are going on in my life right now. I talked to my Mom today. I love my mom. We discussed how things are just really crappy right now w/ some things going on at home. I swear, if it weren't for my family (Mom, Dad, Sis, and Jer), I would go nuts when I go home. It makes me wonder about the whole church thing even more. Why do so many things happen the way they do? I feel really inadequate right now. I have had at least 4 conversations about Christianity this week with various people. I know it's going to come to a head soon. I had one conversation with a friend of mine earlier in the week. And I knew the question was coming---"so, what's God doing in your life right now?" Did I want to answer? Was I seriously avoiding it? The answers are no and yes, respectively. But the great thing about her asking me that (besides the fact that I got to work through the situation a little bit more) was the fact that she did ask. It's more than I can say for anyone else I know. They avoid asking more than I avoid thinking about it. She is a true friend and one that I am very lucky to have. She was very honest with me and so, I was with her. And even though I try to avoid thinking about it, it is always on my mind and plaguing me with everything I do or everything I encounter. And so, I do, as I have had for the past few months, have a desire to be in church tomorrow. Does that mean I'll get up and go? Probably not. Does that mean I'll regret it? Most likely. But it's still not as easy as just going. People may say that and judge me for it, but they don't understand, nor do they try. Geez, I sound like I'm having a huge "pity party" here, but I am, as always just working through some thoughts.

Another thing that has been on my mind lately is a relationship that I have. I don't know, maybe I'm reading too much into some things, but I feel as if I am being avoided. It's not as if I see this person every day, but occasionally I do and I talk to this person often---or at least i used to. But lately, it's not at all, and it kind of bugs me. i would confront the situation, but for fear of being pushed aside as nothing. Again, it's probably nothing, but why risk it? People are way to risky to gamble trust on.

Still contemplating the b-day thing. I don't know. I think it's more trouble than it's worth. I don't know what I want to do, or if i want to do anything. I'm getting to old for this b-day nonsense.

Not to mention, there is crap going on with my schedule for the fall. Oh the joys of being a college student! Geez, as it looks, I may not get to graduate in May '05. But we'll see, I'm gonna do as much as i can to make sure I do.

But to make things much happier, I was thinking about the concert tomorrow night. I so can't wait to get there and to be able to say, "Yeah, I saw Linkin Park." I swear, they have to be one of the most talented bands of the past 30 years. Their lyrics are amazing and I can totally relate to a lot of what they say. I am so excited about this! I will have fulfilled yet another one of my goals. Now all I have to do in my life is see Weezer in concert, go to Yankee stadium, travel to Africa, and find the job that makes me happy.