Did everything just taste purple?

It's valentine's day. Yay! I never understood why people got so depressed if they were single on valentine's day. Of course, every relationship I've been in has made me depressed to be attached. So, that could be why. I am absolutley loving today, actually. I have done nothing---at all. It is 7:30 p.m. and I am still in my pj's. I haven't done that in years. It's a great day.

So, my roomie and I went out last night. She wanted a swirl from the Mont. so, I drove. It was a lot of fun. I have made a conscious decision not to drink---out of respect for my father. I had some good conversations w/ my parents last weekend while I was home. But I digress...So, Sara and I went out. It was an interesting night. It's so strange how alcohol makes you want to be so honest. We talked a lot, about personal stuff and laughed at each other. Of course I did most of laughing, since I was sober. She may not even remember the conversation we had, but I thought it was good to talk. I swear, I'm like a priest, alcohol or no alcohol, people insist on telling me everything. lol. It's fine. I love talking to my friends---it's strangers that i struggle with. But it was good. We helped each other work through some stuff, kinda.

Stress, I swear should have been my middle name. Why is it that things that don't involve me, somehow do? Do I try to butt into everyone's lives? I don't think I do. But if I do, someone should stop me. There is indeed a situation that I believe has evolved from something that was meant to be innocent. However, it seems to be leading to something that could be tragic. And I feel that I need to step in. How do I get involved in these things?

Back to the bar...Sara and I were talking and I can't believe my birthday is in less than a month. I am just so not into it. Okay, usually, I like my b-day, however it's usually pretty disappointing. Just because no one else really seems to care. But last year was great. That was probably one of the best b-day's I've had. I so appreciate the party Sara threw for me. She put a lot of thought into it and it was great. This year, I really don't care, actually, I'd like to just skip over March 9th and forget about it. But we were talking...and I dunno. Getting together with some friends would be fun, I s'pose. One evening won't kill me. I'm just not ready.

Geez, I swear, I'm going through such a mid-life crisis right now. I'm becoming more of an adult. lol, right. I don't know really. These past few months have been pretty trying for me. I am really sick of the college scene. I'm tired of whiney little kids (i.e. college students) and their ongoing immaturity that leads to problems that aren't really problems. Not that I am in any way as mature as I should be, geez, I'm still in college for pete's sake. But I know I've done a lot of growing in the past two years. It does have a lot to do with the things my family has struggled with and I'm not saying that no one else has struggled, but it has made an impact on my life. Sara said something last night that really made me think. She said that I haven't changed since OBU. And that I was never the typical OBU-er. What does that mean? Yeah, I agree, somewhat. I'm still me. That's a good thing. When I entered that world, I was already established as to who I am. But in thinking that, I want to be more. And maybe that's what is really bothering me about the people I am surrounded by day after day. Maybe because they are still struggling to find who they really are. I need more. I need to be done and away from this part of my life, unfortunately, that can't happen right now. So, I must work harder, and press on, so that I can get to that point in my life and so that I can set my sights on this goal and to see it getting nearer to being reached. It's what I need to do.

Wow, this was a long entry...so, 'til next time...