Did everything just taste purple?

It seems like all I've been posting lately is song lyrics...so it's time for a real blog.

I had a pretty good day today. It started out with me waking up 30 minutes before I needed to...so I went back to sleep. :) I had a meeting with one of my professors about research, which was cool. I'll admit that I had a few reservations about going because I was going to see one of my friends that I hadn't really been keeping up with for the past few weeks. I wasn't trying to avoid her...just everyone really. Anyway, we had our meeting and my friend and I made plans for lunch. Again, a little apprehensive, but I should have known better than that. She is so cool. I swear I always feel so much better after I talk to her. She's just one of those people that you really don't have to say anything to about anything in particular, but she can really put a new perspective on things and make me feel 'renewed' in a sense. I admire her so much and I am really soooo incredibly thankful that she is my friend.

We were talking at lunch and we somehow got onto the topic of feeling pressured. I told her that I wasn't feeling particularly social at the moment or for the past few days. It really has nothing to do with my friends; I just need(ed) some time to myself. She said, 'hey it's not like you signed a contract that you had to hang out with us.' :) That was awesome. Another thing she said, which paid me a huge compliment, although I'm not sure that she realized it at the time, but it was definitely something I needed to hear was (getting back to the pressured topic) 'I don't think you've ever been 'pressured' into doing anything.' Wow. That was so great. It made me smile. I should have said 'thank you.' but it kinda caught me off guard and I just kind of went with it. That one comment, I think, affected the rest of my day. I like that about myself---that people don't perceive me as someone who is easily pressured. Well, at least that my friends don't see me that way. Thanks.

But then tonight, things got a little sad. My roommate had a really rough day. Some things happened at work which were absolutely ridiculous and she was the target. I really feel for her and there is nothing I can do to help her. I really wish I could do something for her, but I don't know what to do. I really hope things work out for her and that she can regain a sense of control. Our personalities are really different and it makes it a little harder to relate at times. God, I feel so helpless in this situation. Somewhere along the way to here I lost the ability to 'be a person who could help.' In that I mean, there was a time in my life that I could actually try to say things that were somewhat comforting or helpful, but now...it's gone. I don't know, maybe I've become too focused on myself to be able to do that. I don't know. See? Focusing on myself again...I just turned this problem that my roomie is having into something about myself...geez.

On a different note...life is weird. lol. I guess people already knew that. It's not that profound of a statement. It's been 10 years today that Stephen died. Ten years. Wow. I can still remember the phone call. And I knew what Missy was going to tell me and I kept trying to avoid the subject by talking about other things. I so wish things had been different during that time. I wish some things had never happened and I wish I could change some things. But living life in regret isn't living. I still miss him so much. He was one of those people that you like instantly and could never have a reason not to like. He was so funny and charismatic. This may sound cheesy, but through his eyes you could see just how absolutely beautiful he was. He was such an amazing person. I'm very thankful that I did have the opportunity to know him--even for the brief time that it was.

But overall, it's been a good day. :)