Did everything just taste purple?

I love that quote...by Peter Hansen, A Thousand Roads. I love how simple it is and how it says so much. I should have put it on my "Reflection" post a few days ago. Although, tonight I think of it literally in terms of everyone that I have encountered. People who are my friends and/or family, have definitely been my guide in various ways, showing me how to take steps and how each individual step should be taken according to different tasks. They are my teachers in helping me to see what I may not have been able to see because I have been putting up walls. They have shown me how to bet past some of those barriers and walk through some of them...allowing me to be 'healed' in some aspects along the way. I am very thankful to those people in my life (if you are reading this, you are one).

I have also been thinking of people who have just passed through my life...maybe just for a moment. It may have been just an instant compared to a lifetime. I'm not sure why, but it's been on my mind lately. There are several reasons I guess. For one, I'm examining my life from different perspectives. My lack of commitment...in pretty much everything. I want more commitment in my life, as far as doing things to better myself and doing things better. I really want that.

I know, some of you are thinking...does that mean that she wants other things as well? Ummm...no. lol. I'm still not using the phrase "want". Mainly because there is still a major 'fear of commitment' as far as that is concerned. It has nothing to do with walking down the aisle, or living with someone forever. It's mainly b/c I know I am not at all ready for that. Why? I'm not sure. One reason could be that I still find myself attracted to the wrong sort of guy. I don't mean someone that I would be a terrible match with. It's beyond that. Although, I do think it's easier to be attracted to someone who is not right when there is no hope for it leading anywhere. Funny how the past never goes away completely. I don't know why I'm even writing this...it's kinda strange. I guess maybe b/c some things have come up lately...that are way off the mark. I don't know. I tend to confuse people when it comes to these sort of things. People assume things that aren't there and then it makes for a very awkward situation. I will admit, it's been quite a while since another person has made me happy...but at the same time, I don't want to rely on another person to make me happy. I don't know...I guess you can't have it all...

I'm sorry, this is not where I was going with this blog, but it became extremely random. I love all of my friends and I thank all of you guys for everything this year. You are amazing! Well...'til next time