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In case anyone ever wanted to know what goes on in my head. :)

Monday, March 13, 2006

 

Ever have one of those days where you just can't figure things out? I'm not quite sure what's going on yet, but I feel a little out of it.

I started a post a few weeks ago, but never posted it. It was in reference to me leaving Norman. Well, I hadn't really thought about in terms of how my friends feel about it until then. I understand that they will miss me, b/c I know I will miss them. And I can see where they are coming from. But I don't want to be here anymore. I will be incredibly sad to not have them so close, but seriously I have been away from my family for 4 1/2 years now. Yeah, it's not going to be a 5-10 minute drive anymore, but I haven't had that with my family in years. I know that I probably won't have that when I move, but it won't be 3 1/2 hours either. I might actually get to see my nephews play sports, go to their school, see my niece take her first steps, and hang out with my parents for more than just a shopping trip or family dinner. I need this. I'm sorry, but I feel more guilty about missing out on so much with my family than I do about leaving Norman. But I'm not going back because of guilt. I want to go back. And I may not get my master's right away if I go back, but I also know that I won't do it here in Norman either. I will not apply to OU, that's the bottom line. Honestly, I hadn't really thought about it much until my birthday. The subject was brought up by someone that I did not expect it from. Which isn't a bad thing, it's just not what I needed on my b-day. Thanks to Becca for understanding that---but she's in the same boat. I'm so thankful that I have her as my friend. She understands so much, in many ways. Not that everyone else isn't understanding, but not so much with this subject. And I keep telling people that the more they bring it up and push for me to stay, the more I am going to be pushed toward leaving. I'm so freakin' stubborn. *sigh*

On a brighter note, I got home at 8:45 tonight. yay! Not what I was expecting, but I'm way excited about it. But it's after 9 now & I need to get some things done before I head to bed. So...'til next time...
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